Be consistent with what you can control
Oh how I love to be in control. God is constantly doing a work in my heart in this area, and I seem to always be realizing that I’ve been wasting energy trying to control things that aren’t mine to hold. Figure out what God has given you to manage and do that task well. Discuss with your husband basic tasks and responsibilities, do your assignment to the best of your ability and let the rest go. Micro-managing your husband (and God) is just not a productive use of your time, talent and treasure (I’ve learned this the hard way).
Set up and stick to rhythms
- Cultivate daily rhythms for cleaning, laundry, meal prep, etc.
- For example, clean bathrooms on Tuesdays and do a different load of laundry every day so that it doesn’t pile up. Whatever works for YOUR family and life.
- Try a meal planning service like PrepDish to take the mental load out of meal planning and prep, especially if you’re like me and are tempted to just not cook for yourself “because the baby isn’t gonna eat it anyways…”
- Make time to think through the week ahead of time.
- No matter what type of person you are, no matter how detailed you like to plan, thinking through your week to know what’s coming is going to help you immensely!
- What’s on the calendar?
- What tasks at home do you need to get done?
- What activities would you like to do with the kids?
- Plan one or two fun outings with the kids per week.
- I was a nanny for about 5 years, so I got used to doing this before I had my own kids. But I am much more likely to actually do fun things and leave the house if they are planned in advance. Google free fun local activities and see what pops up, schedule a weekly playdate (and keep it!), ask for a subscription to a local children’s museum for birthdays/Christmas and go once a week. It will get you all out of the house, give you a reason to get dressed and also give you something fun to talk to your hubby about later.
- If you don’t have kids, plan something that gets you out of the house. Do something that fills you up and leaves you refreshed. Schedule coffee with a friend a few times a month, get yourself to yoga or kickboxing, take a painting class, go sit and read in the local library.
- Plan at least one activity a week that involves childcare.
- Now before you give me all your reasons why that’s just not something you agree with or can afford, hear me out. One hour a week is not going to kill your budget and it’s also not going to kill your kids. It will however provide you with some sanity, rest, perspective, and something to look forward to. Switch to a gym with childcare, take a friend or family member up on their offer of taking the kiddos, look into mother’s day out programs, connect with a MOPS group or women’s Bible study, take advantage of the time older kids are in school, etc. You can just sit in silence, get your nails done, do something you love, have a standing coffee date with a girlfriend, or do whatever it is that gives you LIFE. The point is – you’ll be a better person if you have time and quiet to remember that you are in fact a person.
Enjoy time together no matter what it looks like
No matter what your time together with your husband looks like, soak it up. Don’t waste precious time wishing your life looked different or whining about all the things you want to change. Make up your mind to have a positive outlook and to set aside everything in your power so that when he is home, you are able to serve each other and enjoy time as a family.