Dear wife whose husband works long hours,
Maybe you’ve been at this awhile. Maybe your husband just started a different shift. Maybe you have kids or maybe it’s just you and the dog.
No matter what your circumstances, let’s just agree that right now it’s difficult. Painful, maybe.
He leaves Monday morning and it’s hard not to press fast forward on life until Friday night.
He calls around dinner and your heart sinks, knowing he won’t be home again.
He gets home and just wants to sit in silence or go to bed, and you just want to download everything you experienced in his absence.
Sweet sister, I know.
The days feel so long and the nights can become so lonely.
This season feels like it will never end.
The weight of the world seems to be pressing down on your shoulders.
It’s difficult to talk about it with others because no one else seems to really understand.
Perhaps you’ve tried to learn how to strengthen your marriage, only to be frustrated that you can’t live out the “practical” advice or suggested steps.
Maybe you’ve begun to keep it all inside, pretending you’re fine. Maybe you’ve just decided to never leave the house again because it’s just all too much.
Friends don’t seem to understand this odd rhythm your life has and family might tend to judge your hard working man for seemingly choosing to be away. It can be so isolating.
Sister, I know you feel as though the days are endless and the nights are lonely, but you are never alone.
I know it feels like this season is forever, but it’s not. Truly.
I know it feels like the weight of the world is on your shoulders, but I promise you he feels the same way.
Shift Your Focus
Your circumstances may not change, but your mindset can.
Determine to replace negative thoughts with positive!
Fix your eyes on things above, not on earthly things.
There is good around you, find it and thank God for it.
Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. (1 Thess 5:18)
And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. (Col 3:17)
Praise the LORD.Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever. (Psalm 106:1)
Practically:
- Make time with God a priority
- Keep your Bible open on the counter
- Memorize scripture
- Put an encouraging scripture as your phone background
- Start and end the day with gratitude: write it, say it, pray it
- Listen to worship music
- Text your husband during the day to tell him something you are thankful for about him.
- Text your husband with a verse you are being encouraged by or to encourage him
- Call your husband (or text) and pray for him.
- Ask your husband what you can do to encourage him during his work day
- Ask your husband how you can pray for him
Flee to God
Your responsibilities may not decrease, but the weight of them can be removed.
Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. (James 4:8)
His yoke is easy and His burden is light. (Matthew 11:30)
We can’t do anything in our own power – we’ll fail, be tempted, fall into the traps of depression and anxiety. But when we train our hearts and minds to flee to Him, to place the weight of all we must accomplish in HIS hands, at HIS feet, He enables us to go on in HIS power at work within us.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. (2 Cor 12:9)
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. (Phil 4:6)
Practically:
- Post scripture and prayer in your home or workplace
- Create a playlist of worship and uplifting music to turn on when you feel drained
- Create margin in your days
- Choose a scripture or two that will be your go-to when you start to feel the weight.
- When you feel overwhelmed or anxious, take a minute to be still: stretch, deep breathe, go for a short walk, quote a scripture.
- Take care of your physical body – eat well, take time to move, make sleep a priority
- When you start to grumble, stop and list 3 things you are grateful for in that very moment.
Serve Well
As difficult as it is to hear sometimes, your marriage isn’t about you. My marriage isn’t about me.
Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself. (Matt 22:37-39)
Your marriage may not look like you thought it would, but it can still thrive.
Set aside your expectations for what you thought marriage would look like and choose to make little by little progress to thrive in this season.
Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. (1 Peter 4:8)
Practically:
- Study the word.
- Share what you are learning with your husband.
- Find a creative way to study the word together, whether it’s via text, audiobook, sharing a verse or prayer every few days.
- Decide to love your husband well and learn how to do it well – ask him, read 5 Love Languages, practice, be creative.
- Discuss expectations and responsibilities for when he is away and when he is present.
- Create boundaries together.
- Ask how you can serve him well in this season.
- Tell him how he can help when he is home.
- Don’t be afraid to lean in to your role and to be independent within the boundaries you’ve set together.
- Schedule times to discuss budget and general housekeeping items.
- Communicate.
- Text, call, video chat.
- Set up times during the day or week to check in when each other.
- Try something like the Couples Powersheets or Navigator’s Counsel to keep you communicating well.
- Assume the best about your husband.
- When he is home, time as a family should be priority. Phones down!
- Schedule time away together quarterly at least! Book a hotel (travel points come in handy here!), get a babysitter, make it happen!
- Schedule date night as often as possible, in or out of the house!
So sister, even if you’re in a season where your marriage feels more like a single season you can still thrive. Your marriage can still grow and your hearts can still be moving in the same direction. You are never alone, never forgotten, never carrying the weight on your own. Put down the expectation and pick up the joy of the Lord – it truly is our strength!