To the Mama Whose Husband is Away Alot, I know it can start to feel like the days and nights are one endless blur. The laundry and dishes start to pile up and your house starts to feel more like a prison. You want to enjoy your kids, but all you can think about is having just one minute to not be in charge.
There’s hope, Mama.
You’re not alone.
You don’t have to stay in survival mode.
You don’t have to feel like you’re drowning.
Refresh, refocus and re-prioritize.
Scroll to the bottom for a free gift from me to remind you that you are doing a great job!
When our man is away, depending on our personality, it can feel as though we are wandering. Even if you are quite independent, not having your partner in life present often is draining. Part 2 discussed the value and importance of getting rhythms into place, and they are especially helpful for those of us home with kiddos. They give order and structure to our days, so that they don’t all just run into one another.
To all the mamas in this situation – missing your man and loving kiddos who miss their daddy – you are a rockstar. You’re doing your best. God chose you for this job and He has not left you alone in it.
Hear me on this: when we have other lives to care for, it’s important that we care for ourselves. Taking time for you is not selfish – it’s actually the best way to show love to your family.
So how can we stop drowning, get out of survival mode and start to thrive in this difficult season? Well, sister, I believe it all comes down to refocusing our priorities. We need to take better care of ourselves, get systems in place to better care for our littles, and protect our marriage with every bit of energy we have!
Prioritize REST
Caring for your own heart is key to keeping your priorities straight.
- REST in Jesus. Pray, Read, Journal. No matter how long, how loud the house is, what it looks like…TRUE rest is only found in Christ.
- REST in your bed. Seriously. Physical rest is so important. Don’t stay up all night binge watching just because you can (guilty). Set a bed time and a wake time. Take a nap a couple times a week.
- REST in rhythm. No matter what it looks like in your home, developing some order to your days and weeks will help you manage your time and your household well – giving you more time and energy.
Care for yourself
No matter how busy your days are, you’ve got to take time for yourself. Eat well, move your body, get in the Word, get connected with other women, visit family, do something that gives you life. No excuses. When you care for you, you are a better woman, wife, mom and friend.
Encourage him
He hates being gone too! He hates missing so much too! He hates how hard this is too! DO NOT LET THE ENEMY TELL YOU OTHERWISE. Pray for him daily – this is something I’m committing to this year. I set an alarm in my phone and pray for J every day. Text him sweet things, not just “hey Logan just threw up. When are you coming home?!” It’s okay to share the burden with your husband when he is gone – you’re a team! BUT, be careful not to pile on to his mental load. He most likely already feels guilty that he can’t be there to help you. Make sure you’re telling him the good things that happen too! I’m guilty of only telling J the crappy stuff and not all the good stuff, so I’m working on that!
Text him what you love about him.
Stick a note or letter in his bag before he leaves.
Pack a surprise lunch or treat for him before he leaves.
Call him just to say thank you for working hard for your family.
Live your life
Don’t wait for him to get home to do all the things as a family. It’s okay to have adventures and make memories. Give yourself permission.
Do what’s in your control and ability and make a short list of what you need help with. Decide together how to handle sharing the list with him and when.
Free yourself up when you’re all together
- Plan family adventures and actually go on them.
- Whether it’s scheduling a weekend to go camping, taking everyone out for ice cream, or going bowling choose to make fun memories as a family. It doesn’t have to be expensive!
- Be flexible with routines when you’re all together.
- Don’t freak out about naps and bedtimes if your kids are able to function well without them a couple days a week. I’ve really had to work on this one, but it’s so much better to just be together as a family!
- Communicate about your rest to fun ratio.
- You’ve been home with the kids all week. He’s been away from home all week. You probably want to get out of your house-prison and he probably just wants to sit in his chair. Communicate when you’re both calm and rested about how to work this out – and be willing to compromise!
- Limit devices
- I mean really. Nothing else is as important. This is what “do not disturb” mode was created for.
Mama, you are doing a great job. Determine the pain points holding you up and do something about them. It will help you make forward progress, which feels so great! And please, take care of yourself. You’ll have so much more to pour out if you take time to fill up.
Click the photo below to download a free printable I made just for you – to remind you that you’re doing great. Just breathe.
Cynthia Cano says
Love this. My husband leaves before we wake up and gets home right in time for bed time most days. I know exactly how it feels to be home all day and ready to get out only to have my husband want to stay in. Thanks for these helpful tips.
Anna says
It can be a challenge to stay positive! I love connecting with other ladies walking in the same season – community really can change everything! Thanks for reading!