With all the information around us, it can feel like we are in a stadium full of screaming fans – every voice a different pitch, every word muffled into indistinguishable noise. All the content that we consume, whether scrolling on Instagram or trying to keep up with national and world events, begins to weigh on our hearts as it burdens our minds. If you missed part 1, head here to read about some guidelines to keep you focused as you process the information surrounding you. My belief is that when I have guardrails to keep me on track, I’m better able to love those around me and calm the anxiety in my heart. In part one, we talk about checking facts, expanding your view, saying no to bandwagons and not being afraid to trust but verify before assimilating new information into your heart and mind.
Now that we’ve covered processing all the information, it’s time to dig deep into our responses so that we don’t just add to the noise.
If you’ve scrolled through the comment section of a video or been on social media recently, no doubt you’ve seen at least one example of a poor response to information. There seems to be so much hatred and polarization in our world right now – and I’m not just talking about politics or social justice!
If you’re not with me, you’re against me.
I hate you because you believe differently.
This is what I think, deal with it.
I’m hurting so I’m going to make you hurt too.
This kind of thinking is showing up on all platforms, in response to all different kinds of content. I’ve seen hateful responses to women who decide to share their journey with infant loss and misscarriage. There have been countless examples of hate and disrespect toward people who look differently, believe differently, or live their lives differently. There have even been happy responses to others’ struggles with sickness or death, simply because they disagree on hot button issues.
I’m going to address this issue as a follower of Christ, but the basics apply regardless of whether or not you share my faith.
The tongue has the power of life and death. (Prov. 18:21)
Our words can either bring life to those around us or they can heap on pain. We have the power to lift others up or to crush them. Hopefully, these five guidelines will help us choose life, even when (especially when) we disagree.
Did you filter it?
In part 1, I mentioned that my father taught me to always take what information I was given and filter it through the Gospel and what I know about God. The same goes for what comes out of my mouth or onto a page. Another lesson my parents taught us when we were young is that when we left our home, we were representing our family and our faith. So anything we did or said needed to line up with the beliefs we held, or we would be misrepresenting our God and our family. Though said in grace and love, this held a lot of weight and I’ve never forgotten it.
I will be the first to admit that I often say things I shouldn’t. Having kids has shown me I have a temper (that the Holy Spirit is working on, let me tell you!), and I’ve long struggled with speaking without thinking. Having a filter that I train myself to put my words through prior to speaking them has been something I’ve been working on (and will continue to) for many years.
Personally, my goal is to filter my words through the Gospel, my core beliefs, and our family’s values. The first step here is obviously to be familiar with the Gospel and to determine what beliefs and values are important to you. Putting what matters most to you into words will help you as you filter out things you need to stand up and say versus sit down and just pray. Knowing what is most important is valuable as you build a filter for yourself.
Another thing I’ve been convicted of now that I am a mother, is considering how I would tell my kids to respond if they were in this situation. (Kids have such a way of teaching us, don’t they?)
Is it true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, praiseworthy?
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. (Phil 4:8)
This verse has always made me a little squirmy. I know that I fall short of these things all the time. But isn’t this verse a straightforward way to filter through a response to something that has hit a nerve or that you feel strongly about? It doesn’t say not to speak up, but it does remind us to go about it in a way that reflects well on our Heavenly Father.
How will others feel?
Your words can either be a balm or they can cause the wound. Have you considered how others will feel when they read your words? Even if you, by all accounts, are “in the right” the way you present your beliefs matters.
Perhaps it’s because I’m an enneagram four (hello, all the feels), but I have always had a passion for making sure everyone understands everyone else’s side of things. Even if I disagree, I will often find myself nodding along with the opposing side simply because I understand the need to be understood.
Prior to responding, take a moment to consider how others who are not in your shoes will feel when they read your words. Will they feel heard and understood? Will they disagree, yet not feel personally attacked? Or will they feel exposed, hurt, or offended because of their differing life experiences?
While we are absolutely not responsible for what others do or how they respond, I do think that as Christ followers we are responsible for how we treat others, especially when we disagree. Thinking about how others will feel when they read your words may change how you state your views, add some empathy to your response or cause you not to respond altogether!
Is it necessary?
Does this really need to be said? Is your response really necessary for others to hear? Do these words actually need to come out of your mouth or be typed into that comment section? Is it absolutely essential that others need to hear this?
This is difficult for me. I’ve been getting in trouble for speaking before thinking for most of my life. I’ve written most of the verses in the Bible on thinking before speaking and the power of the tongue at least a couple hundred times (thanks, mom and dad). Is this opinion, this response, this comment really necessary? In a world of constant media, this seems strange to consider. We have been taught that our voice matters and our opinion deserves to be heard. And while, on some levels, that’s very true, I would argue that as Christians maybe it isn’t always necessary. What’s that verse that Paul so wordily coined? “Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial.” (1 Cor. 10:23) Perhaps the only thing that is absolutely necessary to speak out on is the gospel and the life that it offers to those hurting around us.
Sacrificing a perfectly worded response to a political statement in order to choose love and mercy might be something God is calling you (or me!) to. But, He could also be calling you to stand in the gap and fight for something, to speak up about something. This differentiation is something that I am still trying to get a hold on as I learn to hear God’s voice better.
Which leads me to the next question…
What is your purpose?
Why are you sharing this? What’s your goal in responding? Is it to rant and rave about your beliefs? Are you just angry and want to get something off your chest? Are you passionate and trying to affect change to a broken system? Are you intending to hurt by lashing back? Are you seeking to be understood for your own sake or for the good of others? Are you hoping to share a differing perspective?
Considering why you are responding to a comment or sharing a post prior to actually doing it, might just cause you to stop. Is angrily shaking your social media fist going to affect the most change? Or will calling a representative, getting involved in your community, loving your neighbor make the most difference? There’s absolutely nothing wrong with sharing your opinion or your viewpoints – we are blessed to live in a country that still allows us to do so! However, WHY you are sharing and HOW you are sharing matter.
Jesus was a perfect example of this. He addressed hot button topics all the time during his ministry. He was constantly being asked what He thought about this or that, often just to see if He could be riled up or swayed one way or the other. But the thing about Jesus was, He stayed calm (except when people misused God’s house. Then, things got a little heated. ;)). Jesus stayed emotionally constant – meaning He wasn’t taken in by the tactics of those trying to trap him. It didn’t mean He wasn’t passionate or didn’t stand up for the hurting. He just chose the quiet route, the love your neighbor route. And He affected the most change because of it.
Oh, Jesus still had opinions. And He even knew He was in the right – about everything. And yet, He didn’t throw His perfection back at people. Instead, He let His life be a testimony. He lived out what He spoke. He turned the other cheek, while also standing up for those who were hurting and neglected. Jesus is the picture of the balance we’ve all forgotten is an option – passion for justice AND gentleness. Speaking the truth in LOVE, not hatred. Standing up for the hurting in a way that pulls them to their feet and gives them purpose, while encouraging others to do the same. Responding to those who disagree with love and mercy, instead of trying to force them to believe.
As followers of Christ, we have a responsibility to act like Him and to bring the good news He offers to a dying world.
As humans, we have a responsibility to love our fellow man and treat others with basic dignity.
As individuals, we have the right to our own opinions and beliefs but we must balance that with our responsibilities.
So, before you respond to a friend, to a political situation, to a Facebook post, to a social justice issue, to a differing view – filter your response, consider whether it is noble and true, ask yourself how others will feel when they read or hear your words. Consider if it is truly necessary or if it can be let go, and take a moment to dig in to why you want to share this particular opinion or thought. Be kind, even if someone else isn’t. It will set you apart from the noise.