I follow an amazing artist on Instagram (@lindsayletters.co) and her young daughter Eva Love was in a freak accident that resulted in her hospitalization with a traumatic brain injury and the prognosis as I’m writing this does not look good from a medical standpoint (BUT GOD). As this is the time of year we were in the hospital with my father, it’s gotten me thinking about grieving and God’s goodness all over again.
When I first heard about this sweet girl struggling for her life, all I could do was pray. She’s been on my mind constantly. But over time, in response to “heal her, Lord” I just hear “But he might not…” and I realized that I had some unfinished business there.
One of the biggest struggles I’ve ever come up against in my journey as a believer is the fact that God can heal but chooses not to. Can intervene, but doesn’t the way I expected. Can make a way, but seemingly leaves the mountain unmoved.
When my Dad got sick, part of me just assumed He wouldn’t make it. I knew God could heal him, but I think the self-preservation part of me decided to just go ahead and prepare for the worst. Maybe it will hurt less this way. That doesn’t sound like being sure of what I hope for and certain of what I don’t see – the biblical definition of faith. So, am I failing in my walk as a believer? Do I not have enough faith?
When I was first walking this journey, I probably would have said no. No, I didn’t have enough faith. Maybe I should have believed harder, prayed harder, tried harder. But there’s the issue. That makes faith all about me. That takes the power off of a perfect, good God and puts it onto an imperfect, sinful me.
The Bible says that when we have faith the size of a mustard seed, mountains can be moved (Matthew 17:20). The size of our faith is irrelevant – the act of trusting that God is good, that he has a plan for our good even in this – that is what matters. Even if we have to repeat it over and over throughout the day. Even if we have to yell and scream and cry at Him first and then humble ourselves to say “but I trust you.”
Even Jesus asked for a different story. In the garden before he knew he was to be crucified, He begged His Father to intervene, to flip the script, to move the mountain. And yet, he ended his prayer with “not my will but yours.” He ended by humbling Himself and whispering His trust in the Father’s goodness and plan. (Matthew 26:26-46)
When it comes to grieving and having faith in the face of prayers that seem to have gone unanswered, there are a few things we must cling to.
God is good regardless of our circumstances.
Our circumstances do not determine His goodness. God is good regardless of what happens in our lives. When we accept that, we can run to Him with our hurt rather than get stuck in the bitterness of “why did you let this happen?” “why me?”. The Bible is full of verses about His goodness, His absolute right-ness, and His unconditional love for us. If we take it back to the basics, only a God who is truly good would set in motion a rescue plan involving the sacrifice of His Son so that you and I could be forgiven and live abundant lives with Him both here on earth and eternally in Heaven. God IS good.
We live in a broken world.
The world is a broken, hurting place. The sin that entered in the garden has only multiplied over time. That’s why there’s a rescue plan. Jesus came that we might have abundant life, but as John 16:33 points out we will have trouble in this world because it is not our home. Our home is in Heaven with our God, where there is no death and no darkness! We will have troubles here in our temporary home, but as the rest of that verse declares “Take heart. I [Jesus] have overcome the world!” This place may be broken, we may endure loss and pain that feels cruel, but God is hurting right alongside us – looking forward to when heaven and earth collide and we are restored! NOTHING compares to the joy that is coming. I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. (Romans 8:1)
God numbers our days.
When I am tempted to wonder if seeing a different doctor, praying harder, believing more, etc. would have changed Dad’s outcome, I have to stop. Psalm 139 tells us that we were knit together in the womb by God and that each day we have here on earth was written in His book before any of them took place. Job 14:5 also mentions this fact that God is in charge of our days. He knew my Dad was going to live 59 years. He knew my sweet baby cousin would live a few weeks. He knew how many days your loved one would be here on earth with you. We have two options – question His goodness by telling Him he was wrong and that we know better or trust His goodness and believe that He is working all things for the good of those who love Him even when it doesn’t make sense to us.
The definition of faith is “complete trust or confidence in someone or something.” I’m learning that instead of believing that God will heal in my way or carry things out in my time is not faith. To “Be sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see” is to put our full trust and confidence in our God’s infallible character. Trusting that He IS good, that He DOES have a plan, that He WILL move mountains. It is to release our version of healing into His hands, by bringing our requests to Him and asking Him to intervene but then humbling ourselves and saying “your will, not mine, Lord.”
Praying for you, friend, as you walk this grief journey out.
I am in the process of creating a journal, specifically for your grief journey that will help you as you choose to believe in God’s goodness through the pain. It will also help you process and write your own grief story over several weeks. If you’d like to be on the list to hear about it first, sign up here.
If you want more support, I’d encourage you to sign up for the e-mail support series where you’ll get free articles sent straight to your inbox. We also have a private facebook community where you can find empathy and support. Find that here.
Patti S Starr says
Very well stated Anna. 9 years ago we were struggling with the same questions. My faith journey certainly changed as we said goodbye to baby Lincoln. But still praised a God who loves us so much.